Tribute to Evan - Written by Margot Gardiner, Given by S. Kent Madsen


Dear Friends and Family,

I desperately wanted to pay tribute to Evan myself today, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to get through it in any coherent fashion, so I’ve asked my Dad to read it for me.

Before I start, I wanted to take just a moment and thank you all so much for coming.  I have been so touched by how many of you came today, and the distance that many of you traveled to be here.

Our journey has, without question, been the hardest experience we’ve ever been through, but it has also been the most sacred experience we’ve ever had.  And that is because of the outpouring of love and concern that we have received from you - the countless prayers you have offered on our behalf, and the many acts of kindness and generosity that you have extended to us over the last several years.

Evan and I, and our children, have never felt so loved.  The Lord has watched over and protected us, and taken care of our every need, through you.  Our friends have become our family, and our family relationships have grown stronger.  There simply aren’t words to express what a blessing that has been to us.  From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.

Now let me tell you about Evan.

I met Evan in August of 1990 when we both started working as Resident Assistants in the dorms at BYU.  All the new R.A.’s had to attend a week-long training program before the school year started and there was a group of us that hit it off right away and became fast friends.  We ate meals together every day, and did fun stuff together as a group on the weekends.  Evan was part of that group, and he caught my eye right away.  When school started, Evan and I discovered we had a class together, so we started attending class and studying together.  He was smart, kind, good looking, and had a great sense of humor - so when he finally asked me out, I enthusiastically said yes!

At the end of our very first date, he told me how he felt about me and said that he wanted to date me exclusively.  He was so brave!  And I was thrilled!

At the end of every date he would set up the time and place when we would see each other again.  I never once had to wait by the phone, or wonder if he liked me as much as I liked him.  He made me feel completely safe and secure in our relationship, and that was a total departure from any of the other guys I had dated before.

On top of all that, he had such a great sense of humor.  He could always make me laugh – and that was pretty much a requirement for me.  Needless to say, I was head over heels in love with him!   Four months later we were engaged, and eight months after that we were married.

My favorite story about him from those early days is from when we were trying to find our first apartment.  Both of us were going back home for the summer to work and save money before we got married.  So we were trying to arrange for housing three months in advance, before we left Provo.  That proved to be much more difficult than we imagined.  We couldn’t find any landlords that knew what their vacancies would be that far in advance.

On his own, Evan decided to spend two whole Saturdays walking around the neighborhoods in south Provo, knocking on apartment doors looking for anyone who was planning to move out at the end of July.  He said he felt just like a missionary again – knocking on countless doors without success, and feeling just as frustrated.

I couldn’t believe he went to so much trouble.  I was perfectly content to just hope for the best and find something when we came back in the fall.  But he felt a strong sense of responsibility to provide for me, he always has, and he was not willing to leave the location of our first home to chance.  Eventually he did find us a place, and we moved right in when we arrived back in Provo after our wedding.

Over time, as I have reflected on what Evan went through to find us a place to live, I have drawn comparisons on many occasions to the image of Joseph searching through Bethlehem, without success, trying to find a suitable place for Mary to deliver the Christ child.  In many other ways, I have come to believe that Evan was a lot like Joseph.

After watching Evan interact with the freshman boys he was assigned to look after as a Resident Assistant, I knew he would be a good father.  But when he actually became a father, he surpassed all my expectations.  He has always been, and I know he will continue to be, a truly devoted Dad to Ryan and Lindsay.

He absolutely loved spending time with our children.  I would say he craved it!  On Sunday afternoons, when all I wanted to do was take a nap, he would spend hours playing board games, or building Legos with the kids.  He tried extremely hard to attend every sporting event, piano recital, dance recital, band concert, and school program that Ryan or Lindsay was ever in.

Just a few months ago, even though he was feeling really crummy, he sat in the freezing cold and rain to watch Ryan play football.  And he was so happy to be there.  At Lindsay’s most recent dance recital, Evan went to the store and picked out some flowers to give to her after the performance.  She was so proud of those flowers.

Before Evan died, he wrote letters to Ryan and Lindsay and to me.  In all three letters he promised that after he was gone he would do everything in his power to be there for each of us whenever we needed him.  I have already felt him close on one particular occasion two days ago when I desperately needed to feel his presence.  Because of that experience, I have felt assured that his spirit and his influence will be with us for the rest of our lives.

In closing, I would just like to bear my testimony about a few things.

Never at any time in the last two and a half years did Evan or I feel that this trial was given specifically to us by God, or that we had been chosen to endure this hardship.  We have always felt that this was just one of those random, unfortunate things that happen to thousands of people every day in this world.  What we have felt is that a loving Heavenly Father has blessed us with everything we needed to endure it, and endure it well.

He gave us wonderful, supportive families.  He gave us the best ward on the planet.  And most importantly, He gave us the gospel.  Without our knowledge of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and without the eternal perspective that comes with understanding the plan of salvation, this would have been a completely devastating ordeal.

Instead, our faith and testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel has been strengthened and enlightened.  I testify that Heavenly Father is real and that he loves his children.  I testify that Jesus Christ is our Savior and that because of his willingness to suffer and die for us, Evan is healthy and happy and free of pain and sorrow.

About an hour before Evan’s body died, I felt Evan’s spirit leave.  Even though his young and healthy heart continued to beat mechanically and instinctively for a short time afterwards, I knew he was gone.  I testify that the spirit and the body are two separate entities, and that our spirits live on after death.

All day Sunday, I missed him so terribly.  I knew he was busy enjoying a sweet reunion with his dad and grandparents.  His absence was excruciating.  But on Monday morning, when I woke and the grief began to sweep over me again, a picture suddenly appeared in my head that he had finished his reunion and that he had returned to comfort me.  It was the first time I had been able to picture him the way he used to be.  The image of him suffering and struggling to breathe all day Saturday had been so permanently etched in my mind, but finally it was gone.

I testify that Evan’s spirit is now healthy and happy and free of pain and sorrow.  I know, without any doubt, that he’s in a better place now and that we will see him again someday.  I’m so happy for him and I’m so proud of him.  He lived and struggled and died with absolute dignity.  He was, and continues to be, a good and kind and wonderful man.  I will miss him very much.

I testify of these things and express my deepest gratitude to all of you, and to my Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.